smooth beauracracy?

as you know if you've been in touch lately, i have been suffering some extreme pain caused by a tumor located on my spine. apparently the tumor is compressing a vertabrae which has pulled nerve bundles out of alignment and has caused other pains to radiate out from the location of the tumor. All the oncologists and dr.s agree that radiation on this tumor will shrink or eliminate it, obviously eliminating the pain. (as compared to the nightmare of narcotic pain relief coupled with side effects and withdrawal symptoms which i have accidently put myself through twice). the down side is that radiation is roughly $1,000.00 per treatment and i will need anywhere from 10 - 20 treatments to effectively deal with this tumor.

i decided to try again with medi-caid, medical, etc. this time the process was smooth and quick and is already done and i have been approved! i actually begin radiation hopefully tomorrow! this means we will be staying in the santa rosa area during the treatments, possibly taking our weekends up in mt shasta.

i am still having some pretty bad days, but there are some good days included in the mix now as well, and i sure am enjoying those ones.

as always, my heart has been expanded to near bursting with the love and encouragement and support and sensitivity i have received from all of you, my friends. thank you again and again, we are all on this crazy ride together and we will all rock on when we have kicked this evil disease right in the balls.

now we are cooking with oil ... HOLY OIL

after an incredible night of love and an outpouring of incredible generosity, i returned to my parents house (where we are temporarily staying in santa rosa ca) and had the worst shock of pain and torment i have yet gone through. the spinal tumor combined with some extreme stomach cramps (possibly side effect of the pain killers) and several other various aches and pains, escalated to a whole new intensity. things went okay during the day on friday but then again on friday night things went really sour. friday night ended up being so bad i had my first moment of weakness, of not being resolved to fight with everything i had. the pain was so extreme and so constant for so long i started to lose my desire to fight.

then ... saturday came with support from some of Gods finest. a dr. that goes to church with my parents has already volunteered a ton of time for consultations and research and comfort. he was able to make some key adjustments to the pain medications i am taking which helped some of the pain subside. then a precious family that have been long time friends came by to pray. we had an amazing time of standing together and declaring God's goodness and their encouragement and boldness in christ has actually changed some things in my spirit that i believe broke some of the power of this disease to torment me. it is already past the hour of my suffering from the 2 previous nights and i am reasonable comfortable and at peace. i actually believe that this is the first manifestation of the healing that God is working into me, and will just simply continue.

we are celebrating Gods work of purifying and strenghtening and restoring me. the difference in my body is monumental.