so far most of my posts have been a reflection of the mindset that i have chosen as a method of fighting this disease. i choose a perspective that is full of hope and joy and dignity and strength. i am now also experiencing some of the downside of cancer, and as i am choosing not to focus my thoughts or energy on those things i have not really posted the whole story. so here it is, some of the nasty side (which for me just only really began about 3 weeks ago).
i am not 100% certain that this really is the source of the pain, but it is very likely that there is a tumor on my spine that is destroying the bone tissue. this is a condition that has become extremely painful. because of its location on my upper back there are many movements that trigger a shock of pain. recently that has progressed into a constant nagging pain that is most disruptive at night while i attempt sleep. this has driven me to begin the process of searching for the appropriate pain medication to bring me some relief so that i may continue to function as close to normal (for me) as possible. the one i am on right now is very effective at reducing the pain, and some of the side effects are pleasant. the other side effects however, have been their own little bit of struggle. What I would like to communicate is this, for those of you who pray please lift these issues up to our Father; bad constipation, occasionally crippling fatigue and mental slow down, periodic waves of flu like symptoms, and the craziest one of all, a one month supply is $360.00.
the other struggle that weighs heavily upon me is the loss of the ability to play with my boys the way we are used to playing. we have always been able to have wild time and play very aggressively and actively with each other and i currently experience intense pain when i just try to throw a ball! i am able to connect with my sons in other ways that are really significant, but there is something that we all really miss now that we cannot slap, body slam, titty twist and sucker punch each others ribs.
i appreciate those of you who have had suggestions regarding medical care, and i also appreciate those of you who have refrained from overloading me with information. when it comes to play time with the wild ones, i would welcome any and all suggestions and ideas about what me and the boys could do together that will satisfy their natural tendency towards crazy time, and allow me to stay boring and immobile. i haven't included naomi in this as her and i have never used slapping or body slamming in any of our play and she prefers the calmer modes of interacting (seems strange that i have a child like that at all). I am also looking for ways to create awesome significant memories for my babies as they are struggling with the torment of a sick daddy and their fear of losing me. so shoot me any ideas you have or things that you have done that might create lasting fond memories.
bless all y'all
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8 comments:
Isaac,
You don't know me but I came across your blog from the Barenaked family website. When my boys were little I had to come up with some alternate ways for my boys to enjoy time with me that didn't include rolling around on the floor and wrestling. Here were some things that my now teenage boys liked:
obstacle courses. I would set up things for them to climb over or hop over or crawl under and then I timed them to see how long it took them to run the course. Sometime the course was very long and sometimes they were very short. This can last a long time and can include water and mud which is always popular. Boys enjoy showing off for dad. Snacks and drinks after brought by mom are a good thing.
Inside fort making. Have the boys make a fort around you - as you lay on the floor or on the couch - out of cushions and sheets and then bring flashlights in for a dad time with snacks and books. The fort building takes a long time and can be very elaborate. Watching a video inside the fort is also kind of fun.
I don't know if your boys like to be read to but I found that if I read adventure comics to them they enjoyed that. One of our favorite is Tin Tin by Herge. They are very funny and Tin Tin has some great adventures. Also the Asterix series is interesting but maybe for an older set.
My boys also loved making videos. At the time any type of video that had to do with fighting or wrestling or crawling around in dirt was best. Sometimes they would talk about what they would say and sometimes I would just give them ideas and have them act it out free form. If you video tape them it lets you be a part of it without having to crawl around in the dirt yourself. My boys loved to watch the videos over and over.
We didn't do many video games but we did a few computer games that pitted me against them in mock battle. I don't know if you do videos or not but it was fun for my kids to have me be able to compete against them in something and since they were smaller it was fun for them to be able to beat me also (which they did most of the time).
I don't know if any of these help but I thought I would throw them out.
I and my family will remember to pray for you.
John
jobryan@crimsongray.com
Issac,
Oh my God!!!
What the person(Halfgut)said before me is exactly what i was thinking! To the T!
Also if its hot you can make a really cool slip and slide out of tarps and see who can do coolest slide. at the end of the slide you could..(Megan said"strike a pose!)or........i dont know something cool!
jenny wisnoski here, and loving you and thinking about you and all you have already poured into your children and Johnna! We bought young randy (13 now) a video camera, and he has a blast videoing and playing with it. Have the kids, well each of you think of 3 questions, or more..daily..and tape the answers..fun times, crazy times, meaningful times, etc. Pick questions out of a tin can or hat or something:) Love you sweetie, and we are praying so much for you! I have some great pics of you boys, how could I post them somewhere? our love to you and your family! Jenny Wisnoski, jwwildski@aol.com
Hey Issac, I haven't left you a comment on your blog spot yet but, after spending time up in the mountain Grace discovered Soap Stone is fun to carve and shape into beads. I loved being able to walk with Nakiah and Grace to find the Soap Stone (which is just about everywhere) and find what shapes come out of it.
Love you guys,
Bonnie
I love the practical ideas on physical interaction with the boys. I know that is critical for boys. I also want to ask you to consider the blessing of learning to love someone where they are. The reality FOR NOW is that their dad is unable to "wrastle" (another Texas term). Could there be a provision for them in sitting with you and listening to music (it doesn't have to be elevator music)or talking, sharing your heart? Knowing their dad better, who he really is, the good and the bad, is a gift they will treasure for a lifetime. Teaching them that loving God can look like being angry with Him. He is more than able to handle that. You have so much to offer your children, more than just your physical-ness. Maybe now is the time to have another friend of the family "wrastle" them down and you enjoy sharing with them your softer side... FOR NOW. Just a thought......
Hey Isaac.... I have been following your adventures over the past months and lifting you and yours up ..... I love that you are who you are... as a dad!!!! Oh my gosh what a gift. When our kids were young my hus John came up with the idea of reading to us all every night. He did the reading .... now the book selection may not be your cup of tea... or whatever but picture John Bishop in the middle of the floor reading the "Little House on the Praire" series of books to our bunch. I am sure you can come up with a selection that you might consider appropriate for your gang... the book is not the important part. Our grown sons and daughter cherrish that time and that feeling of contintment with their family. Right now any and everything you do is funding the investment of time and memories period. If it is God's will that you walk your daughter down the aisle she will be talking at the reception about how dad read to the family when they were young.
I love the video idea too!!! Kids today are so creative ..... you may find yourself on Youtube before you know it.... I wouldn't be surprised if you were there now. Hey buddy see you tonight in SR really looking forward to a great meal. Haze
Hi Isaac,
John and I are so glad to hear that you have made it to CA. What an adventure getting there!
I see your positive outlook through your smile in your pictures, and hear God's strength living in you through the words you write. You, Johnna, and the kids are prayed for everyday.
God is continually putting people in my path that make me think of you; and my heart is churned, and a new tongue emerges in prayer for you. God is faithful and on your side. We love you and are hugging you from a distance.
Love,
Leslie and John
I've been brainstorming on some ideas for you and your boys to bond and maintain the relationship you have. I know that must be hard considering how active you have been and how active your kids are. Talk to them: talk about what has shaped you into the man you are and what you hope for them. It's okay if they see pain and tears. Your boys are great with strategy, I have fond memories of playing pool with them. Play cards with them. Cards like Uno, Skipbo, Monopoly. Our family also enjoyed Rummikub. Cards are cheap and don't take up a lot of room in those little trailers. It seems that you like music, I agree with the previous entry that encouraged listening to music. Maybe this would be a cool opportunity to pick up a guitar and learn how to play. Have fun on that new bike. Hope to see you guys back in Austin for ROT next year. Take care,thadra
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